The Advice shared by A Parent That Saved Us during my time as a New Dad

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - going on a couple of days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."